


it's okay to not be okay

by manicmidnight



Series: TW Sad Stuff [4]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt Liam Dunbar, Hurt Theo Raeken, M/M, Sad Liam, Sad theo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-04 01:53:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13354032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manicmidnight/pseuds/manicmidnight
Summary: They’re both fucked up more than they’d like to admit. But at least they’ve got each other.





	it's okay to not be okay

**Author's Note:**

> I write based on my mood, and I know negativity sucks but I just wanted to go ahead and share this anyway. Not edited, but I might come back and do that one day.

Theo looks defeated. That’s enough to cue Liam in to the fact that something’s seriously wrong. The older boy isn’t slumping over, per say, but he’s swaying, slightly off kilter; enough to make Liam worry.

“What’s wrong?” He frets, standing aside to let the chimera in. “You look like death warmed over.”

“Thanks.” Theo rasps dryly, and Liam winces at the grittiness of his tone—all _wrong_. “I’ll remember to primp before I get here, next time.”

“Shut up, asshole.” Liam snaps, with no real heat behind the words; he’s much more concerned with watching the chimera stumble forward, collapsing onto Liam’s couch. “Where were you?”

_What’s got you looking like this?_

Theo sighs and flips over, so that he can actually look at Liam.

“Nothing.” The chimera says stubbornly, and all Liam wants to do is _help_ , damn it. “I just didn’t get any sleep.”

Theo’s telling him the truth, but Liam just _knows_ there’s more to this than what the chimera’s telling him.

“Right.” He says anyway, mind whirring as he shuts the door. “I know what you look like when you lose sleep from the nightmares, Theo.”

And he really does. Liam remembers vividly the tear tracks running down the chimera’s cheeks, the heaving breaths and wet apologies whispered to the night. It’s not something he likes to think about though.

Theo opens his mouth—probably for another dumbass remark—before an odd look crosses his face and he turns away.

Liam’s eyes widen. If he’s not even making a witty comment, it’s got to be bad.

Worry squeezes his heart in a death grip.

“Have you…” He’s surprised when Theo starts speaking, watching the older boy press his face further into the couch, clearly struggling. “Have you ever got this feeling that you’re just…”

He exhales shakily, and Liam has never felt this worried before; not even when the Ghost Riders came to Beacon Hills, not even when the Anuk-ite showed up and the hunters shot at him.

“Theo?” His voice comes out more brittle than he means for it to, and Theo looks up slowly at him. It feels like the breath’s been punched from his lungs when he does, because there are tears glimmering in the chimera’s eyes.

“Do you ever get the sense you’re a fuck up?” Theo whispers, and Liam is struck by a sudden clarity and sorrow all at once.

“All the time.” He admits, moving closer to Theo and patting his leg until he sits up slightly—enough for Liam slide in next to him, lightly knock their heads together in reassurance. “More… more often than you’d think.”

And Liam doesn’t like to stew on it. He’s got a slew of problems, all with his name on them, and even more mistakes—so many that slip through his fingers like glass, slicing through his skin and staining them red. Red with his failure.

And _gods_ , Liam just hates thinking about it. There’s nothing more he can possibly say about it, about how much he regrets _so many things_.

“I’m sorry.” Theo murmurs, hand coming to cup the nape of Liam’s neck and—Liam doesn’t know what to do, except choke out a _no_ because even when he’s feeling like this, Theo’s first thought is of him, of _Liam_ and isn’t he just?

“Why do you think that?” Liam says instead of letting the conversation die there, because Theo’s important, Theo’s everything to him and he’ll be damned if he can’t help him in any way he can. Theo isn’t going to be one of those shards of glass, not if he can help it.

Theo gives him a shrug, head lolling slightly as he stares blankly at the black TV screen. Liam’s heart is in his throat now, feels like it’s being squeezed in a vice grip and _please no, please don’t shut me out now_.

“Theo…” He doesn’t know what to say, making the chimera chuckle darkly, tilting his head back and exposing his throat.

“It doesn’t matter.” Theo gives him a plastic smile that screams of pain, of _I’m not okay_ and _I need someone_. “Everyone’s got problems, right?”

“That doesn’t mean yours aren’t any less important.” Liam whispers, unable to say any more past the emotion that’s starting to choke his throat.

“Sure.” Theo says sarcastically, eyes still _wrong_ and unhappy. “Whatever you say, Little Wolf.”

“No.” Liam isn’t sure when he started shaking his head, but doesn’t pay it much thought as his hand shoots out to hold onto Theo’s wrist. “No, you don’t get to do this.”

“Do what?” Theo’s looking at him now, mouth twisted in something that resounds with hope and solemn acceptance.

“ _This_.” Liam’s voice is dry. “You don’t get to keep bringing yourself down like this.”

“Well, maybe—”

“It’s not what you deserve.” Liam cuts in desperately, thumb pressing against Theo’s fluttering pulse. “You don’t deserve to feel that way!”

Theo stares at Liam like he’s never seen him before, green eyes wide and hopeful and so raw.

“Tell me.” Liam tries again, letting his desperation leak into his voice, into his scent, into his eyes. “Please.”

Theo looks at him for a beat longer, before a broken smile creeps onto his lips even as his eyes glaze over.

“Sometimes, when I see Tara,” He whispers, and he wasn’t lying when he said his nightmares were part of the problem. “Sometimes, I just… I see what she could have been. What she _should_ be. And then I remember—”

He holds up the hand that Liam’s grasping onto with tears brimming freely in his eyes, biting his lip as he meets his eyes.

“It was me who tore it all away from her.” His voice is flat, empty, everything his voice _shouldn’t_ be. “And not just her, from… from everyone else! Tracy, and Josh, nearly even Corey and Scott and I just—”

Theo shakes his head, pressing his free hand to his eyes. “These are the people who _matter_ and I can’t seem to stop fucking up. I’m not like you a–and I – I can’t make people _happy_ —”

“You make me happy.” Liam interjects, reaching to pull away Theo’s hand from his face, locking eyes with him. “And don’t do that. You… you never need to hide from me, okay?”

Then, when the older boy’s blinking slowly, crystalline tears clinging to his lashes, Liam reiterates. “Don’t hide yourself from me.”

Theo chokes out a mix between a laugh and a sob, before his features scrunch up and he wipes at his eyes as more shaky breaths escape him. Liam doesn’t even need to think twice before he flings his arms around him, pulling him close and letting his own tears make his vision swim.

“I feel like that all the time too.” The words fall from his lips, whispered into the silence of the room, into the crown of Theo’s head. “Like something’s just wrong with me. The IED, the… the deaths I couldn’t stop. The people who keep leaving m-me—”

He bets they make a ridiculous sight, the two of them; grown male werewolves clinging to each other with wet cheeks and stuttering breaths. But they’re weighed down by shadows of the past clinging onto their shoulders, dragging them back for every step they try to take. They deserve this much, at least.

“They’re idiots.” Theo squeezes Liam tighter ‘round the waist as he takes shuddering breaths. “All of them, for leaving you.”

“Wouldn’t you?” Liam lets out, and that seems to startle Theo into silence.

“Never.” The chimera pulls back, staring at him with mirroring grief written into his eyes, transcribed onto his soul. “ _Never_ , Liam, I swear.”

And Liam can’t possibly say anything to that; just rests their foreheads together and whispers ‘ _I love you_ ’ with the memory of every smile, every sob, every defeat and triumph ingrained into his voice.

Theo chuckles wetly as he tightens his grip and whispers it back, voice screaming of trust and care.

“ _I love you too_.”

**Author's Note:**

> Notice any mistakes? Let me know :)
> 
> [Find me on Tumblr!](https://maniacalmidnight.tumblr.com/)


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